


LOVE WITH THE LADS

by This_Is_Our_Swamp



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, Shrek (Movies), Shrek The Musical - Tesori/Lindsay-Abaire, The Backyardigans
Genre: 2 idiots in love, AOT/Shrek crossover, Albertshins, BottomWin, Dom!Shrek, Football, Hockey, Jock!Shrek, M/M, Mentioned Uniqua X Tyrone, Mildly Explicit, Modern AU, Nerd!Erwin, Nerdwin, Run probably, Shrekwin, Soccer, What awful things did you do to end up on this fic, cum, sub!Erwin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:14:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28481478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/This_Is_Our_Swamp/pseuds/This_Is_Our_Swamp
Summary: Erwin is trying to avoid his bully, Shrek, but little does he know, Shrek is looking for him for a very specific reason. Two enemies meet in an unlikely way and do unsavory things to each other. Or, really, Shrek's the one doing things.
Relationships: Shrek/Erwin Smith, Uniqua/Tyrone
Kudos: 2





	1. "Did we have a little accident… lad."

**Author's Note:**

> hi friend

Today was not like any other day for Erwin today was Tuesay and Erwin likes Tuesdays. He also had a shift at Albertshins after school which he was realy looking forward to,, With his parents Uniqua and Tyrone, fighting more and more these days, getting out of the hous was something Erwin looked forward to!.  
As Erwin got out of bed he began to collect his things and put on his underware with pictures of himself and himself flavored,. Even though their were massive stains because Erwin is a anti-wiper, he continues to wear the old underwear. As his time grew shorter, he rushed to get himself ready, and stumbled, his way out the door.   
I hope I don’t run into Shrek today!, Erwin thought as he ran to school, I barely look prasentable!  
Suprisingly, Shrek did not show up at all that day, leaving Erwin slightly disupointed. Even though Shrek would have beat the shit out of him, there would have been one more story to tell to his future Shreklings (uwu).   
Erwin started his shift at Albetshins by restocking the shelves. That was his favrit job because even the thought of fikling the shelves with cans and his warm hand makes him shivver. He promised himself he would behaev this time stocking the shelves though, because last time he ALM0ST got fired for what he did.   
He makes his way towards the cart of items that need t0 go to a shelf! and as he reaches one his breath begins to shake.! His m3mber tw!tches as he grabs a can and puts it on the shelf. He starts thinking of Shreck and begins shaking while he continues to restock. He begins whispering Shreccs name as he restocks harder and faster, and while he does his breath gets heavier.  
Just as he was about to dun with the cans, he heers a familiar voice?! He runs towards the entrance and see’s the entire socker team follow him inside.   
So that’s why he wasn’t at school today… Erwin thinks to himself, I look awful, I can’t let him see me like this, I haven’t even combed my hair, let alone my eyebros.  
He tried his best to dodge and avoid Shrecc (the hot beast himself) so he wouldn't see him, and was doing very well. As he was doing his final task for the day he herd someone aprowching him from behind.  
"You thought you cud avoid me, aye lad"  
Shrecccks hot breathe filled Erwin's the ears. He turned around and met Schrek'sh chest. He looked up and was met with a devius grin, his teeth stained dark yellow and filled with bugs.   
Erwin nutted so many times he deflated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.  
"Aren't you gona say anything, why were you avoiding me, lad?" Shrek moved his fist back, "don't make me beat it out of you, lad"  
There was so much   
~cream~ in Erwins pants they began to sagg a little bit, slowly failing down.  
As much as Erwin wanted to stay, he couldn't with his man juice swim~ming in his pants.   
"I need to go take care of something," Erwin said with urgecy. He shuffs away, trying to keep his pants up, and his vanilla custArd in his pants.   
Erwin enters the break room, finally able to relax. He tries to catch his breath before dealing with his ... white frosting. In that mooment, Shreecck busts through the door just as Erwin did in his pants? a few minutes ago.   
"Whaddya think you're doing, laid" ShrCCCek wispers, "don't think you can keep running away from me, lad"   
"S-S-S… sh… sh-sh-sh-sh…. sh… Shrecccccc," Erwin was terifide, "you can't be in here… what about the rest of the f00tball team!"   
He moved closer, "what abou’! it, lad?," Shrek reaches Erwins ass and squishes the sagging pants, filled with 1 pound of love liquid... "Did we have a little acksident… lad." cSchcrceckc begins to unbuckle Erwins belt and pulls down his pants.   
"SHRE-" Shrek quikly shushes Erwin.  
"We don't want our friends to hear us… do we, ladel?"   
With Erwins pants and underwear fully removed, Shrek lets out a small g!ggle. "Well, what do we have here, laed?"   
"Shrek, I can ecksplain, I was reestocking the shelves so obviously I started getting hornyyy and-" Shrek quickly puts his hand over Erwins mouth.  
"It's okay lad, I know how to handle this lad.." He gets a spoon out of his pocket and grin's.   
"No, you can't, sh… sh-ScH-sh -SH-sh…. SH… sh-ScH-sh-SH… Shrekcccccc, "   
"I said I got this."   
Shrek stares and the mayo filled pants. He draws out his spoon and shovels the man yogurt into his mouth.   
"It tastes like yuMmy yogert, lad," He said with a confident smile.   
He scrapes the underwear clean until he can see the brown and yellow stains.   
"Sh…. Shreckc… you're embarasing me," Erwin squeeks.  
"What's embarrassing about shittt stainssss, lad?" Shcccccccrccccccek questions!@!! "I think it looksss mad tasssssty, lad."  
He struggles to separate the underwearey from them pants, but as he comes closer to separating the two articles of clothing from one another, Erwin begins to panic, remembring how his underwerewolf has fotos of him on it.  
"WAIT, NO!"   
Shreck reveals the underwear and stares and it, then stares back at Erwin. He stands speechless in front of him.   
"I have a large family… we couldn't tell each other's underwear apart so we all printed photos of us on it to tell which pair belonged to who…"   
"That's so hot, lad." He kisses every little Erwin in the underwear without breaking eye contact with the real Erwin. He then licks the brown stains clean off the underwear. Once the stain leaves he places the underwear on Erwins leg and pats it twice.   
"Consider them washed, lad," he winks.   
"ccShcrek… thank you... now I won't have to wash them for another couple weeks!" Erwin's face   
Shrcccek gathers his things and begins to exit the break room. Looking back at Erwin for no more than a second, and looking away.  
"I need to head back to my hockey team, ladicus, but make sure next time you leive those undieSs! extra dirty, laderon." Without giving Erwin the shance to respond, he leeves.   
Erwin also leaves a few minutes after Shcccrek just in time to see the whole volleyball teem leeve. By the time the two were done it was almost 7:00, which meant that Erwins shift was about to end. He starts to pack up his things, leaving all of his tasks unduned and leaves Albertshins thining about what an awful employeeey he is.  
Even though Erwin was hoping he did not see Shrek today, it turned out well for the both of them. Hopefully he will come in the next time he has a shift.


	2. "ladgivemeyou'remarshmallowowlad"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin is getting tired. But then Shrek comes to him with an idea. One that might just rejuvenate his near dry stores of liquid love. But will it tear the two lovers apart along the way?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi friend

Ever since that day in the ‘office’ at Albertskins, Shrceckcc has bin very agro. He cums up to me and demands my pantss creem and calls it his “sticky treet”. As much as I lik this exchange, I was silently wishing that he would like me for more than what comes out of my peniss but I gess some dreems are too good to be true.   
“HEY, LAD!” I hear SchCCccrek coming in the distance. I tried to look around the stoar to see if there was anywhere I could run. Mi balls have been very exhasted so t’day I was hoping they could take a brake. In the heet of the moment with nowhere to go, I booked it towards the resTROOm.   
“DON’T THINK I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOUr DOING, LAiD!” ccSchcrceckccc starts to run even faster. In great feaer for miself I tried to run faster as well, but I am just such a geeak, and geeaaks don’t exorcise.  
We both enter the bathroom, painting. NIther of us dareing to break the delicately scilence-  
“LADdY, GIVE ME YOUR MELTELTED MARSHMALELTLOW, LADELT” Sccetlfccchrek scraeches while waking uncomferrtably cluese. I can tell ScChcrek is exited because when he is ecsited he says ladD a lot.   
“No, you don’t dahserve it after what you did to me last weak” I look down at the floor angGrily. Last weaek he told school I had syphilis and gonorrhea, and really hurt my.   
“I only said that so peeple wouldn’t milk for your gold, lad” He sorry. I draw out a long sigh. My scrotums are very sore… but I would do anything for Shrek. I understand were he is cucumbering from, and I think that he meant welll when told evereeone I had too contagious STDs, but it has eeffected me a People call me gonorrhea boy. The only side is that now if my menagerie tries to FlaME me for not doing my job I can soo him for hate crime.   
“Shccccccccccccccrek, I need some time alone.🦤”   
“Lad, pleease lad!” I start to walk away before I hear Shcccrek call after me. I can tell Shrekc is very made becuse when he is very maad he says lad a 1ot.  
“I want to open a restrant, lad!!” With those words, I get. No one has ever loved my mozzarella cheese as much as he.  
“With a little seesoning we can do so much with your mashed potaTOES, lad… a couple waeaaeaeaks ago I seeesoned your stufing with CUMin and oreGANO, lad. It tasted very cgoOOd, lad. I fed it to my frends and mumerkins, lad and they really liked it, lad” I can tell ccccSccchcrcek is very nervous because when he is nervous he says LAD a lot. “That’s the real reason I told everyone that you had syphilis and gonorrhea, because after everyone tried it they would have tried to take your fresh snow away!”  
“Y… yo-you think so?”   
“Lad, I know so, lad” I trust ShKKKCCCCCOCrek. I can tell shrecockccc is cockfident because when he is confidential he says lad a l0ot. I am very excaited for this frehsh staert, since I was 50 I wanted to sell my co0oooOconut mLilk for $$$, but I thought those dreams were too crazy to ever come true.  
&  
“That’s great, lad, amazing work, lad” ShreCcck wispers, “I will start making recipees for our restaurant and you can give them to your roommmmmates, lad! What are they’re names, lad?” I can tell Shrecck is really happy, because when he is happy he says lacccd a lot.  
“Their names are Alvin and   
‘Levi’JFUEJ.”  
“Can you give them my recipeeeeees, laccd?”  
“No, cthey moved ocut recently.”  
I still don’tcc know why they moved out. They were saying things like “stop finger inG your poop”, and “stop getting horny while reorganizing the shelves.” Heh. They know nothing of my true power.  
I start to get back to my job and restock the shelves again. mmmMMMMMMMMM  
“Anyway, you hear the of the restaurant, lad!” Shreccck sCrREAMED  
“Boy, do I!” When I wasyounger I wanted to naem my resturant “CreAtive CreAm”, because I was making so = variations of the same dish. I still reely like that name! “Wate, can we name it CrEative CrEam!”  
“No, that sounds like a hooookerrr name, lad.” He is right, CReative CReam is the most awfulelst name I have ever heardeded, I wunder who CAmeECDCSJL”G up with it.  
“I was thinking of the name Shrek’s deliteful Scrotum, how does that sound, lad!” Shrek was practicaly beEEming.  
“That isn’t fair though, it’s MI scrotum that’s providin’ that mane ingreediennnmnt.”  
“Yes, Lad, I know, but if we make it Erwin’s Scrotum the cops will find you.”  
“Oh, yeah, I forgot.” I for a second. Is this the best possible name for our restaurant? I want this to be a romantic gester tipe of thing. I have idea… but I probabably shouldn’tNOT say. “Then I think your is perfect.”   
I am upset. I want it to be something else, but I know that if I tell Shrek he will kick me.  
“You know, lad,” Shrek turns to me, “I am hungry, lad”.  
“Is that so…” I look over to face Shrek. We are in a kitchen after all...  
I can tell Shrek wants eat my cum, because when he = to eat my cum he GETS it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bye friend


	3. "MOMMY ISN'T MAKING ANY MILK, LAD!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shrek gets... hungry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi friend

ScCCChrek has been sasssking me for weeks now to move in. Not only to try out some new recipes for our restarant, but also because his hunnnhger has begun to increeese(^^^).   
“For the last, you can not move, Shrcccccek.” As much as I WANts to give Sccchrek everything he want, living with me is crosssssing a line. I dunded everything that he has wantsted up now. If he lived with me that means that he would take up my entire life, even though Uniqua and Tyrone are g0ne most of the time and fight when they are home, I still lick that it is the one place I can catch my breathes.  
“Come on, lad,” catches up with me as we walk down(vvv) the hells. skookl was out and we were planning on going to Shrek’s swamp before he insisted that we goh to my howsse. “Wes will have so much fun together, lad! Wes wsislsl sbsesd ftdfaogether alsls days, lsad!”   
He quickly walks in frunt of me and blocks my way, he towers over me in a confrunting manner, “isn’t this you always wanted… lad?”  
He wasn’t wrong, I always loved shreeekkcc. His solid earwax, the fact that bugs stuck to him like a magnet, it intrigued from the beginning.   
“Of course I want it, I love you cShriekc, it's just not the rileftght time, okay?”  
“Then when WILLS it be, lad.!?!#$@” He moves next to me in a swift spin and TUHUGS on my shoulder, “I like you, and you like when I’mhappy, right lad?”  
“Yes.” I meandeded it.  
“I make you happy, right, lad?”  
“YesS.” I mean it. I have never been as hapy as I am with cccccccccShrek.   
“I do things to you happy, a lot of things. I work so hard to make sure I am the best malealphadominatorboyfriend I can be, lad. I think you owe it to me to make me happi.”  
He’s LEFTright. He is smart, poopularr, and kind. He is nice enuff to let someBODY like me be with someone like him, so how could I even begin to denie his requests. That is onleey reason I am acred to move in with him. If he lives me I know my life won’t be MINi, but HISi.  
“I’m still not shore, will you let me thINK over it?” I am certaasihorfe, it’s a no.  
“Okay, lad. Just remember I will as many eggs and spatulas as you please, lad,” he says suggestively while raising his eyebrows.  
“ShccccccrekmmmmmmmmmhhhhhhAHHHH…” I am truly mooooved. He is thinking of me.DJF:S  
He wraps his arms around me and squats to the height of my ears ♡♡♡ His delicate, LARGEee hand swifFts over my delikate skin and teNDER ear, stroking my hair in the process. He inches towards my ear and takes a deep breath before talking.  
“We can use the eggGGGs right now if you want, lad… and the spATatula… as many as you want, lad.”   
“N..not HEAR!” I spit ouwt. Shrccccek places his cold hand against my burning skin.   
“Then maybe we can move it ohver to your house… I’ll need toc bring my things over if you want to continue, lad.” He whispers againwr4st my ear. I guess ShCCCrek will be moooooaving himself to my apartment, whether I like it or not.  
“I will be at your hoME in ansingle hour, make sure to get some eggs, I’ll bring the spatulas.” Before I can rehspond, Shrcccek picks up pace and sprints away to his house. 

a  
I wake up to find myself taped to the ceiling. I don’t RECALL how, I just remerecallmber getting carried away with the eggs. I thrash around trying to loosen the tape from my grasp. Even I am sacared of the 9 feeties drop, I wouldn’t dare ask for hehlp, this is embarsing enough as is. I continue to flop about in the aiarr until a shot of nauseousness devouuuersrs me. My throat tickels as I begin vicious fits of gags and JUICY coughs. After about thirty of being at the edge of regurgitatingtion, something exits my mouth. I heard it splitt to the floor before. ???!!@R  
So that’s what happened to the egg yohhks.  
After a 10 minute break of ligg4whtly wiggling in the air I build up all of my strength to fold myself over, releasing the tape in the process.   
ThuHUMPHUMPump.  
I fall straight to the floor, nose first. I am in so much painicus right now. I feels, that my hair has also fallen out place. I want to die.  
I hear Shrecks iwntense footsteps run across the apartment to enter my room. He swings the door open and stands at the door frame for a second analyzing (mmmm) my position. He looks up at the left over tape on the ceiling and slowly shifffts his I’s towards me.   
“ScccCCCccCchrek.”   
“Yes, lad?” He sounds nervous ♡.  
“Did you HAPPEN to notice that I fell from the ceiling?”  
“Yes I did, lad.”  
“And do you see how I am on the FLOOR now?”  
“I see, lad.”  
“What. Did. You. DO.”  
Shreccccccccccck snorts, “to be honest, I don’t remember anything that after the spatulas, lad.”  
I am a bit mad, but I can’t him for not remembering, I don’t remember either.   
“Shrek.”  
“Ye-” he coughs, “yes, lad?”  
“Notice how I am STILL on the floor, trapped in TAPE???.”  
“Oh, sorry, lad!”   
I sat in a superman position, and Shrek after who knows HOW long decided to help.   
He rushes over and takes his time ripping each individual strip off of my stomsmalkdfach and cuts the ties on my legs and hands. This might possibly be the worstf pain I have ever felt.  
Once all of the ties and tapes have been LAD, I try to get up. My knees feel like they are grinding while I try my best to get up. It is like I just sat up for the first time after an eighteen hour flight. I walk past Shrek to make my way towards the kitchen. Within the first (less than a day) he has already managedae to mess up my place with his shit.   
I actually really like the messiness of his lifestyle. I think it is really nice, my only issue is the fact that my parents also live here and could codme back any day, if they see this place is a mess I would be dead. My mom liked my last invited roommates Alvin and Levi a lot because they were a cute couple, and because Levi always made sure everything fwas in tip top shape. Alvin, however, is similar to Shrek. Maybe that’s why I... nevermind. If I bring this up again I’ll feel guilty and want to tell Levi.   
I shake away my previous train of thoughts and walk towards the fridge, but from the looks of all the wrappers and empty containers it seems as though Shrek has eaten everything already.   
I open the door to my fridge to have my suspicions proven, there is nothing in the fridge except for Shrek’s earwax jar.  
“LAD!” Shreks voice booms, “I’M HUNGRY, LAD!”  
I giggle at his words. He is so cute, he ate literally everything in my home and still has an appetite. “Is there anything you had in mind that you wanted?”   
“Well,” he glances at my LAD, “I sdo have something in mind.”   
No. Absoludtely not. I have been cumming way too mucsh which has been making me produce and ejaculate more sperm. The average amount of vanilla ice creasm in an ejaculation is about 1 teaspoon. I mine is now 1 pound per.   
“Shrek, I can’t. I LAD reached my limit for today.” He ponders for a second. He looks down at the floor thinking bsefore his eyes flicker wide, he has an idea,  
“I think I have an idea, lad,” Shrek says, “smaybe I can suck it out of you, lad.”  
WHAT?lad  
“EXCUSE ME?”   
Shrek makes his LADLADLAD towards me, without wasting a second he pulls down my pants and underwear. He levels out with my peen and looks up at me for approval. I give him an obvious nod of approval.   
He puts my member(Lad) in his mouth and begins to suUCCCck it like a straw. I have never been used as a binkie before, so this is a new experience.  
“Is your plan working?” I was curi????ous.  
“Mommy isn’t making LAD milk, lad!” I hear a temper tantanerum coming up. “Scccchrek is hungry, lad! Milk won’t come for lad!”  
Shcccccccrek screams and cries. He sutandos up and starts to throw around the wrappers of the QUsnacccccccks he ate. I try to think about restocking shelves.   
“Okay, Shcccrek, let’s try this again.!”  
Share walks back over to me and plops himself to the floor and puts my dick in his mouth. I still hear the sniffles from his crying session. I feel the stream coming out and into Shrek’s mouth. He sucks the juice out until my scrotums are shrivelled like raisins.   
I have to poop really bad, but Shr!ccccek keeps sucking, even though there is nothing left. I decided to just shit on the floor. I grunt in frustration to let out what was in my bladder. I hear something drop. Scccchrek perks up.  
“Dessert, lad?” He looks behind me and looks at me, “so the eggshell finally came out, lad.” He looks really disappointed that I didn’t poop. Luckily for him, I still have more stuff in me. I put so much pressure and held my breath to let out a long, thick poop.   
“Yay, you made br0wnies, lad!” Shrccccek is quick to grab my shit and eat it. He devours it as if he has never eaten food in his life. He even takes the liberty to lick the leftovers off his hand which makes more of a mess because he also has poop on his tungie.  
Suddenly, out of nowhere, I hear movement at the front door.  
Oh, no.  
I hear the lock turn and the door open, “hello, Erwin! We are b-”  
They freeze and look at me in disgust. This will be hard to explain.  
?!?!?!?!?!?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bye friend

**Author's Note:**

> bye friend


End file.
